There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
