My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
