I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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