I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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