Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
