So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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