her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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