the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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