she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
