Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
