He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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