So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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