she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
