You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Alive.
So much puke
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
