i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You made out with two different species that night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
