is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
