I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
