while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
