I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
