I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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