ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
