paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
