After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Never joke about your clitoris.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
