toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think people are normalizing furries
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
