Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
