I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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