My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Buhtt sex?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
