I cannot find my penis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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