The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
