I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
