Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
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I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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