So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What a dumb baby whore.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
