Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
