Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need to align my fucking chakras
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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