I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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