You just made me feel so damn special
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
