I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
