So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
