chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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