They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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