He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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