Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
tell me about the eggs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
