You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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