Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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