he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
