There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
