I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
