big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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