I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
