I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
