Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
BRING THE BAGELS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
