it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
