I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
