no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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