btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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