Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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