yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
