ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
