New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I want to fling myself into the sun
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
