stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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