I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
