took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
