Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
