we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
