this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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